The door opened. Feeding time. I walk towards the opening knowing what will be through it. It is always the same, nothing other than food, and the keeper. Today was different food yes but no keeper. Two small boys knelt at the bars, one with his hand poking through the bars. He was holding out food, hand slightly shaking. The taller one ran out of the door. Ignoring this I start walking towards the boy holding the meat looking straight into his eyes. I get within reach of his hand and move forwards to take a bite when suddenly a loud noise and a flurry of activity out of my field of view sent me bolting towards the enclosure. The gate closed soon after that.
A few minutes later the gate was raised again. I was more cautious this time but through the bars I could see a live goat. Food, finally. I arched my back and hunched my shoulders. Treading quietly towards the prey I pounced only then did I see keeper and both small boys. I dragged the carcass into the yard and into my den.
Wow!! amazing piece of work
Hello,
I like your sentence structures, they help to set the tone and pace well. I think your choice of verbs also support the development of your voice. This reads well.
Target: re-read your first paragraph, your tenses seem to change. Try to remain consistent with your use of tense; I tend to favour present tense, but you must find which is right for your style.
Thanks,
Mr North